Crazy Sexy Cancer (Kris Carr)

Kris Carr was diagnosed with a rare and incurable cancer in 2003. She was only 31 years old. She was an actress and decided to film her own documentary for her 4 years of journey.

http://www.crazysexycancer.com/

I saw her on the Oprah Winfrey show the other day. I had a chance to read her book and watch her film. She is so inspirational and beautiful. I wanna be like her!

She still lives with cancer and manages it without progression by being a healing junkie/great cancer patient. The film teaches us many things: encouragement, appreciation, strength and attitude.

I cried when she cries in this film. I laughed when she laughed. Like she said she has bullets in her body and doesn't know when it blows off. When it does, it critically harms her body. That's exactly how I felt before surgery. Now my bullets are invisible. I wish I could go back to the day when cancer decided to grow in my body. I wish I could change something from that day.

Life is unfair, but we only have one life. The most fear we all have in life is death. We don't wanna die yet. Our lives seem uncontrollable sometimes, don't they? But I wanna make the best effort to feel in control and make everyday one of the best days of my life.

slowly growing back

It's been 8 weeks since my last chemo. My hair is slowly growing back. very slow, though. It's fuzzy and soft, like baby hair.

Not only my hair, other body hair is growing back, too. My eyebrows and eyelashes are back. My nose hair is back, too. yeah, I have to shave my legs now!

I suppose I will need 2 more months to go without wig or scarf. I'm looking forward to seeing how my hair grow back.

Cupcake Tasting

My bestfriend from church is getting married next month. I am a maid of honor and I've been helping her for wedding preparation. It's a lot of work but lots of fun. We went cupcake tasting at Sibby's Cupcakery in San Mateo yesterday.

http://www.sibbyscupcakery.com/

I don't usually care for cupcakes especially frostings. Oh my God, it was soooooooooo good. We tried 4 different flavors, Butter Cup, Red Velvet, Grandma's Chocolate Tea Cake and Lemon Drop. I liked them all!

Theme colors for the wedding are yellow and light green. She picked Lemon Drop with yellow buttercream frosting and Grandma's Chocolate Tea Cake with sage green cream cheese frosting. It will be so good!

A little thing

I'm able to play golf, eat normal, drink moderately and make myself look normal, except my hair. As I'm getting to look normal again, I can feel more gap between my outside appearance and inside feelings. People will stop asking me how I'm doing when my hair grows back. Some people probably forget I had cancer.

The other night, I got snapped off for no reason. I have a night cap for my head and didn't have it when I needed. Without my consciousness, I was thinking "I wish I didn't have cancer so I wouldn't need a night cap or whatsoever." Once I start having such a thought, it's hard to compose myself strongly. I must admit that I struggle to accept the fact I'm angry at cancer. I've tried to seal my anger inside of me and learned how to not let it bother me, but still, once in a while it comes to the surface as a reminder. Dealing with depression and uncertainty is far more harder than actual cancer. I need to learn how to build more strength in me.

July 4th

Happy 4th of July!