What's up with Mikiko

2 years mark

2010-06-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

I see my oncologist, Dr. Dormady, every 3 months. He is only 3 years older than me and always very cheerful. I like going to see him. I had a regular appt with him this morning. He said "Mikiko, you hit the 2 years mark, so that you will have to see me only every 6 months for next 3 years." It's been 2 years since my last chemotherapy. It seems more than 2 years in some aspect, but also, it seems less than 2 years, too. After I see him every 6 months for 3 years, I will see him once a year forever. He said I can come to his retirement party.

I might forget how sick I felt with chemo drugs but I won't forget how confused and helpless I was. Every time I go into his office, I see other cancer patients. I pray for them to do well and get their health back as soon as possible.

Fertility preservation helps women beyond cancer

2010-05-28T15:18:00.000-07:00

Nice article on SF chronicle today.

I was involved in Lindsay's organization "Fertile Hope", as her doctor, Dr Lynn Westphal at Stanford was also my doctor. Being diagnosed with cancer is hard enough, but having a fear of unable to have children in the future is also tough. This week 2 years ago was my last chemotherapy treatment. I must say that I'm so proud that I made a right choice to preserve my fertility. When I met Lindsay in person, I thanked her and my tears came out, because what she did changed my life. I hope I could be someone who can encourage young cancer patients.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

(http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2010/05/28/MNGB1DIMMC.DTL)

Friday, May 28, 2010 (SF Chronicle)
Fertility preservation helps women beyond cancer
Erin Allday, Chronicle Staff Writer

(05-28) 10:44 PDT SAN FRANCISCO -- Lindsay Beck had successfully fought
cancer once, but when it returned in 2000, her doctor told her she would
need more aggressive treatment - chemotherapy. He read her a list of
possible side effects but never mentioned that it might leave her sterile.
It was only when Beck asked about it that her doctor said yes, the drugs
would almost definitely attack her ovaries and essentially send her into
early menopause. It might be impossible for her to have children of her
own. Beck was 24.
"He said, 'Let's focus on saving you first. If you're not alive in five
years, having a baby isn't an issue,' " Beck said. "I agreed, of course.
But I thought there must be something I can do now."
There was. Beck's oncologist didn't know it, but through tenacious
research and multiple calls to Bay Area fertility clinics, Beck found a
doctor at Stanford University who was willing to freeze some of her eggs.
Ideally they'd keep for many years, and when Beck was healthy and ready to
start a family, the eggs could be thawed and fertilized.
Fertility preservation is a relatively new but quickly growing field of
medicine, devoted to helping women protect their ability to have children
before starting toxic but lifesaving drug treatments that may damage their
reproductive organs.
Many chemotherapy drugs - especially those used to treat breast cancer -
target fast-growing cells, including the ovarian tissues that ripen and
release eggs. The drugs can shave 10 years off a woman's fertile years.
For women in their 30s, there can be another issue: By the time they're
done with treatment and healthy again, they may be in their 40s, and
conceiving children might be out of reach. Left in the dark
Both UCSF and Stanford have departments dedicated to fertility
preservation, with reproductive experts who work specifically with
patients who have cancer or other diseases that pose a risk to
reproductive organs. But to the frustration of fertility experts and
patients, many women still aren't being told that sterility is a possible
side effect of cancer treatment - and more important, that they may be
able to protect themselves.
The patients whom oncologists see tend to be older and well past having
children, said Dr. Lynn Westphal, a reproductive endocrinologist at
Stanford who froze Beck's eggs.
"So fertility isn't the first thing on their mind," she said. "They're
focused on curing the patient, and that's where their focus should be. But
the patients want to look past their cancer."
To be sure, there are limits to what fertility preservation can
accomplish, and who it can help. Embryos tend to have the best success
rate, as far as resulting in a pregnancy, but they may not be the best
option for women who don't have a partner to fertilize an egg.
The process of harvesting eggs from the ovary usually takes two to four
weeks - involving expensive, daily hormone injections - and some women
diagnosed with cancer are told they need to start chemotherapy
immediately.
Researchers are working to improve a new procedure that involves removing
a small piece of ovarian tissue and freezing it, then transplanting it
back into a woman's body after cancer treatment to reactivate the
reproductive organs.
The advantage is that the procedure can be done right away, and therefore
may be an option for women who don't have time to ready an egg or embryo
for freezing. The disadvantage is that transplanting the tissue may
reintroduce the same cells that caused the initial cancer. Only 10 or so
pregnancies worldwide have resulted from the procedure. Women have options
Still, fertility experts said they're delighted to have options for women
who just a few years ago would almost definitely have lost their ability
to have children after going through cancer treatment.
"One of the most significant long-term implications of cancer treatment is
not being able to build a family and carry on a legacy," said Dr. Mitch
Rosen, director of the UCSF Fertility Preservation Center. "It's like a
double blow. They're cured from the cancer, and then 10 years later, they
can't have a baby, and it's such a significant regret."
Fertility preservation isn't cheap: It can cost $15,000 to freeze eggs or
embryos and $30,000 to freeze ovarian tissue. And very few insurers pay
for preventive fertility therapy. Rosen said he's known women who have
held fundraisers or took out loans to pay for treatment. The Make-a-Wish
Foundation covered the costs of freezing the eggs of one 17-year-old girl,
Rosen said. Source of comfort
UCSF, like Stanford, is now setting up a program to make fertility
preservation procedures affordable for women with cancer.
Beck, the 24-year-old cancer patient, never needed her frozen eggs. She's
34 now, and the Mill Valley woman has had two children who were conceived
naturally. But just knowing that the eggs were waiting for her was a great
source of comfort when she was fighting her cancer, she said.
She created a nonprofit organization to help other women take advantage of
fertility preservation options. Her group, Fertile Hope, was acquired by
Lance Armstrong's LiveStrong foundation last year.
Beck said she was particularly moved into action when she started her
chemotherapy treatment. She was sitting in a clinic with a group of other
young women, all of them hooked up to IVs, and she mentioned she'd just
had her eggs frozen. The other women were shocked - they'd never been told
that their fertility might be at risk, and now it was too late to do
anything.
"I felt really guilty, like I'd kept this secret," she said. "It seemed
ludicrous to me that they didn't know. People were being sterilized
without their knowledge. But there's been a lot of improvement. People are
talking about it now."

Options: More information on fertility preservation. A10
Preserving fertility
Fertility preservation is a field of medicine devoted to helping women
protect their ability to have children before they undergo drug treatments
that may damage their reproductive organs. Procedures involve freezing
eggs, embryos or ovarian tissue, all of which can be preserved for many
years, until a woman is healthy and ready to have children.
Embryo banking: Mature eggs are removed from a woman and fertilized with
sperm. The resulting embryos are frozen for future use.
Egg banking: A woman's ovaries are stimulated to release mature eggs,
which are removed and frozen for future use.
Ovarian tissue banking: Tissue is removed from an ovary and frozen so that
it can be transplanted at a later date. The transplanted tissue can
activate the reproductive organs and kick-start the release of mature
eggs.
Web sites with more information on fertility preservation:
-- UCSF Fertility Preservation Center: www.coe.ucsf.edu/fpc/index.html
-- Stanford Fertility and Reproductive Medicine Center:
www.stanfordivf.com/fertility-preservation.html
-- Oncofertility Consortium at Northwestern University:
www.oncofertility.northwestern.edu
-- Fertile Hope. www.fertilehope.org/

Winter concert - Stanford Symphonic Chorus

2010-02-16T12:09:00.001-08:00

Our winter concert is scheduled on Feb 26(Friday) and 27(Saturday) for Beethoven, Mass in C (also Beethoven Prometheus Overture, & Mozart, Violin Concerto No. 3). Compared to last quarter's Reicha's Requiem, this piece is shorter and more cheerful. Since this is Beethoven, more material is available for practice. We will be busy with 2 nights dress rehearsals next week...

Mammogram clear!

2009-12-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

My annual mammogram was clear. yay! Mammogram pictures are all digitalized from last year,
so that the radiologist can look at the picture right away and tell us if there is anything unusual. (Until few years back, we had to wait for a phone call for 2 or 3 days.) Even though it's only 10 minutes wait until I hear the result, it's uncomfortable and feels like 30 minutes.

However, mammogram is not effective for women in 30s because breast tissue is too dense and picture shows too much activity. The radiologist recommended to my oncologist that I might want to do MRI every two years. My oncologist didn't think it's necessary. He wants me to do self-exam rather than exposing to any radiation. My blood test is good, too.

I'm one step forward to be a survivor.

New guidelines for breast cancer screening

2009-11-18T11:04:00.000-08:00

US task force issued new guidelines for breast cancer screening. Last two days, there have been many discussions between different groups sometimes with anger more than confusion.

They say:
(1) Mammogram is not effective for women in 40s.
(2) Women 50 to 74 should get a mammogram every other year.
(3) The value of breast exams by doctors is unknown. And breast self-exams are of no value.

huh???

Many breast cancer survivor are in shock because we were saved by the early detection guideline. I found my lump by doing self-exam. I have no family history. I'm not a statistics. I'm someone's daughther, someone's sister and someone's lover. Statistics doesn't mean much, does it?

I'm proud that I found the lump. I'm grateful that I had great doctors who were completely thorough.

I don't want to get into too much about politics, but this is CLEARLY a political problem. I hope we can make right health decisions without being denied by insurance company.

This is all I can say to my friends. "You know what you eat. You know about your body. Keep taking good care of yourself. Do whatever you need to do if there is anything unusual."

Today, Lance Armstrong foundation(LIVESTRONG) issued their statement: “We at LIVESTRONG fear that as a result of these new guidelines, more women will be lost to breast cancer."

(Here are the details of new guideline.)
----------------------------------------------------------------
New advice: Skip mammograms in 40s, start at 50

By STEPHANIE NANO and MARILYNN MARCHIONE, Associated Press Writers

Monday, November 16, 2009

(11-16) 18:32 PST New York (AP) --

Most women don't need a mammogram in their 40s and should get one every two years starting at 50, a government task force said Monday. It's a major reversal that conflicts with the American Cancer Society's long-standing position.

Also, the task force said breast self-exams do no good and women shouldn't be taught to do them.

For most of the past two decades, the cancer society has been recommending annual mammograms beginning at 40.

But the government panel of doctors and scientists concluded that getting screened for breast cancer so early and so often leads to too many false alarms and unneeded biopsies without substantially improving women's odds of survival.

"The benefits are less and the harms are greater when screening starts in the 40s," said Dr. Diana Petitti, vice chair of the panel.

The new guidelines were issued by the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force, whose stance influences coverage of screening tests by Medicare and many insurance companies.

But Susan Pisano, a spokeswoman for America's Health Insurance Plans, an industry group, said insurance coverage isn't likely to change because of the new guidelines. No changes are planned in Medicare coverage either, said Dori Salcido, spokeswoman for the Health and Human Services department.

Experts expect the task force revisions to be hotly debated, and to cause confusion for women and their doctors.

"Our concern is that as a result of that confusion, women may elect not to get screened at all. And that, to me, would be a serious problem," said Dr. Len Lichtenfeld, the cancer society's deputy chief medical officer.

The guidelines are for the general population, not those at high risk of breast cancer because of family history or gene mutations that would justify having mammograms sooner or more often.

The new advice says:

_Most women in their 40s should not routinely get mammograms.

_Women 50 to 74 should get a mammogram every other year until they turn 75, after which the risks and benefits are unknown. (The task force's previous guidelines had no upper limit and called for exams every year or two.)

_The value of breast exams by doctors is unknown. And breast self-exams are of no value.

Medical groups such as the cancer society have been backing off promoting breast self-exams in recent years because of scant evidence of their effectiveness. Decades ago, the practice was so heavily promoted that organizations distributed cards that could be hung in the shower demonstrating the circular motion women should use to feel for lumps in their breasts.

The guidelines and research supporting them were released Monday and are being published in Tuesday's issue of the Annals of Internal Medicine.

The new advice was sharply challenged by the cancer society.

"This is one screening test I recommend unequivocally, and would recommend to any woman 40 and over," the society's chief medical officer, Dr. Otis Brawley, said in a statement.

The task force advice is based on its conclusion that screening 1,300 women in their 50s to save one life is worth it, but that screening 1,900 women in their 40s to save a life is not, Brawley wrote.

That stance "is essentially telling women that mammography at age 40 to 49 saves lives, just not enough of them," he said. The cancer society feels the benefits outweigh the harms for women in both groups.

International guidelines also call for screening to start at age 50; the World Health Organization recommends the test every two years, Britain says every three years.

Breast cancer is the most common cancer and the second leading cause of cancer deaths in American women. More than 192,000 new cases and 40,000 deaths from the disease are expected in the U.S. this year.

Mammograms can find cancer early, and two-thirds of women over 40 report having had the test in the previous two years. But how much they cut the risk of dying of the disease, and at what cost in terms of unneeded biopsies, expense and worry, have been debated.

In most women, tumors are slow-growing, and that likelihood increases with age. So there is little risk by extending the time between mammograms, some researchers say. Even for the minority of women with aggressive, fast-growing tumors, annual screening will make little difference in survival odds.

The new guidelines balance these risks and benefits, scientists say.

The probability of dying of breast cancer after age 40 is 3 percent, they calculate. Getting a mammogram every other year from ages 50 to 69 lowers that risk by about 16 percent.

"It's an average of five lives saved per thousand women screened," said Georgetown University researcher Dr. Jeanne Mandelblatt.

Starting at age 40 would prevent one additional death but also lead to 470 false alarms for every 1,000 women screened. Continuing mammograms through age 79 prevents three additional deaths but raises the number of women treated for breast cancers that would not threaten their lives.

"You save more lives because breast cancer is more common, but you diagnose tumors in women who were destined to die of something else. The overdiagnosis increases in older women," Mandelblatt said.

She led six teams around the world who used federal data on cancer and mammography to develop mathematical models of what would happen if women were screened at different ages and time intervals. Their conclusions helped shape the new guidelines.

Several medical groups say they are sticking to their guidelines that call for routine screening starting at 40.

"Screening isn't perfect. But it's the best thing we have. And it works," said Dr. Carol Lee, a spokeswoman for the American College of Radiology. She suggested that cutting health care costs may have played a role in the decision, but Petitti said the task force does not consider cost or insurance in its review.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists also has qualms. The organization's Dr. Hal Lawrence said there is still significant benefit to women in their 40s, adding: "We think that women deserve that benefit."

But Dr. Amy Abernethy of the Duke Comprehensive Cancer Center agreed with the task force's changes.

"Overall, I think it really took courage for them to do this," she said. "It does ask us as doctors to change what we do and how we communicate with patients. That's no small undertaking."

Abernethy, who is 41, said she got her first mammogram the day after her 40th birthday, even though she wasn't convinced it was needed. Now she doesn't plan to have another mammogram until she is 50.

Barbara Brenner, executive director of the San Francisco-based Breast Cancer Action, said the group was "thrilled" with the revisions. The advocacy group doesn't support screening before menopause, and will be changing its suggested interval from yearly to every two years, she said.

Mammograms, like all medical interventions, have risks and benefits, she said.

"Women are entitled to know what they are and to make their best decisions," she said. "These guidelines will help that conversation."

___

Medical Writer Marilynn Marchione reported from Milwaukee.

___

On the Net:

Government advice: www.ahrq.gov/clinic/uspstf/uspsbrca.htm

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2009/11/16/national/a140032S72.DTL

Fall concert - Stanford Symphonic Chorus

2009-11-10T15:49:00.003-08:00

I joined Stanford Symphonic Chorus in October with my girlfriend Maki. It's open to all students, faculty, staff and any other residents of the community interested in singing music. I've never had formal music training, except playing piano and electric organ, but I always wanted to have more music education. It's so enjoyable!

We are practicing Reicha Missa pro defunctis and JS Bach, selected choruses from Die heilige Weynacht. It's all in German and I get lost easily if I don't pay attention 100%.

The concert will be on Friday, Nov 20, 8 PM and Sunday, Nov 22, 1:30 PM at Memorial Church on the Stanford Campus in collaboration with the Peninsula Symphony Orchestra, Mitchell Sardou Klein, music director and conductor.

Let me know if you are interested in coming!

Walt Disney Family Museum

2009-11-05T20:15:00.001-08:00

I went to Walt Disney Family Museum in Presidio that opened in October this year. It focuses on different chapters in the life of Walt Disney himself, from his early years in Kansas City to his arrival in Hollywood in the 1920s to his technological innovations, like synchronizing sound to a cartoon.

Many parts of the exhibition will be narrated by the voice of Walt, caught on tape by his daughter Diane in the 1950s. Diane -- by then the young wife of Ron Miller, who was a tight end for the Los Angeles Rams -- recorded 19 hours of tape for a biography of her father. It is pretty amazing to follow his life explained by his actual voice.

http://disney.go.com/disneyatoz/familymuseum/index.html

Only one area inside the building is allowed for photography. You can see the beautiful Golden Gate bridge. (I took a picture in bathroom, too :)

Vegetable Delivery from "Two Small Farms"

2009-10-27T10:28:00.000-07:00

One of my clients told me about vegetable delivery from Watsonville. I signed up for 4 weeks trial first and I LOVED IT! I extended my subscription to the end of this season (Nov 18). They deliver once a week at each pick-up site in south bay, Pennisula and San Francisco.

In the box, there are:

Salad Mix

Bunched Leeks

Strawberries

Celery

San Marzano Tomatoes

Onions

Bunched Orange Carrots

Bag of Poblano, Jalapeno and Serrano Peppers

The quantity is enough for 4 people for one week. I split with my girlfriend Michi. I try to go to farmers market on weekend but sometimes I don't have time to go. Also, there are some vegetables I don't normally buy on my own. It forces me to try something new in an interesting way as they also provide lots of recipes.

Two Small Farms
Mariquita Farm/High Ground Organics
PO Box 2065
Watsonville, CA 95077-2065
（83１）786-0625

http://www.twosmallfarms.com/

Key to the Cure at Saks Fifth Avenue (Oct 15 - 18)

2009-10-07T12:47:00.001-07:00

Each year in October, Saks Fifth Avenue holds its Key to the Cure event to benefit women's cancer research throughout the United States. In 2009, supermodel Heidi Klum will be the Saks Ambassador for the event, and will promote the special, limited edition T-shirt created by celebrated designer, Michael Kors. The T-shirt is $40 and will be available at Saks Fifth Avenue, Saks Fifth Avenue OFF 5TH, and online at www.saksfifthavenue.com.

If you want to do your part, shop at Saks Oct. 15-18; the retailer plans to donate 2 percent of sales to the cause. I plan to go SF store on October 17, Sat. Anybody wants to join me?

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2009-10-06T21:26:00.001-07:00

We see pink color all over the place in October. Ironically, I was diagnosed in October. It's 2 years ago. The day I was diagnosed, I remember when I was leaving doctor's office and saw the sign of "Breast Cancer Awareness Month" on the building wall. I didn't even notice when I went into his office. It made me feel that I entered the new world where I've never been and had no idea about.

October is special month for me. It's my mission to tell people to do self-check and follow all doctor's appointments. There are things we can't control in life, but we can take good care of ourselves.

Doctors' suit: KFC grilled chicken a danger

2009-09-24T14:15:00.000-07:00

Interesting article from my friend, Sam.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Doctors' suit: KFC grilled chicken a danger
Bob Egelko, Chronicle Staff Writer
Wednesday, September 23, 2009

(09-23) 16:05 PDT SAN FRANCISCO -- After losing its first battle against fast-food restaurants, a doctors group went back to court Wednesday and accused the KFC chain of selling grilled chicken with dangerous levels of a cancer-causing chemical.

In a lawsuit in San Francisco Superior Court, the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine accused KFC of violating California's Proposition 65, which requires businesses to warn customers if they are being exposed to substances that cause cancer or birth defects.

The chemical cited in the lawsuit, known as PhIP, is a byproduct of the grilling process and was added to the state's list of carcinogens in 1994. The doctors group said an independent laboratory found the substance in every one of 12 grilled chicken samples bought from six East Bay KFC restaurants in May.

The suit seeks an order requiring customer warnings in all KFC restaurants in California and penalties to the state of as much as $2,500 a day for violations.

The organization, which has 7,000 physician members, made the same arguments last year in a suit against other restaurants that sell grilled chicken. Burger King agreed to warn customers of the presence of PhIP, but other defendants, led by McDonald's, held their ground and won a ruling from a Los Angeles judge dismissing the case.

The judge said a federal law that requires labeling of some chicken products prohibits California from imposing stricter standards under Prop. 65. The doctors group is appealing.

The lawsuit faces another obstacle: The state attorney general's office, in response to a complaint from the physicians group, conducted its own study and concluded in 2006 that PhIP levels in cooked chicken were too low to require a Prop. 65 warning.

The attorney general's position isn't binding on the courts, but KFC cited the conclusion in its comment on the suit.

Company spokesman Rick Maynard said KFC's "Kentucky Grilled Chicken" product "meets or exceeds all federal and state regulations for food safety." The doctors organization, he added, "promotes a vegetarian agenda."

The group's scientific and policy adviser, Kristie Sullivan, agreed that it promotes a vegetarian diet but said the recent tests of KFC chicken confirmed that it contains a hazardous chemical.

"Because KFC promotes the grilled chicken as a healthy alternative to fried chicken, (customers) aren't aware that the danger exists," Sullivan said. She said the attorney general's office apparently relied on animal studies, which she said understate the effect of PhIP in humans.

E-mail Bob Egelko at begelko@sfchronicle.com.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/09/23/BACP19R4MA.DTL&type=health

Viva La Vida

2009-07-16T22:38:00.001-07:00

I went to see Coldplay at shoreline amphitheater. It was one of the best concerts I have ever been! Thank you, Lisa and Laura for taking me!

4th of July at Marin County Fair

2009-07-06T20:26:00.001-07:00

We got to see nice fireworks at Marin County Fair!

Another Happy Wedding! (Japan)

2009-07-02T12:03:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend (Shima) from my golf team got married on June 7 in Osaka. (Yes, I was in Japan for almost 2 weeks.)

She and I have been best friends since college. It was such a happy fun wedding!
She won the national mid-amateur championship in Japan in 2 years in a row. (2007 and 2008) She is one of the best amateur players, however, she is still a very modest cute girl. All my teammates got to sit on the same table during reception. Most of them have kids, but we still act like kids as we were in college :)

Happy Wedding!

2009-05-28T22:23:00.001-07:00

On memorial day weekend, I got invited to the wedding in Rose Garden in San Jose. It was such a beautiful day! There are lots of smiles and happiness all over. I am going to Japan for my best friend's wedding next week. I'm so excited! Wedding makes people happy :)

Happy Graduation!

2009-05-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

Kimi graduated from San Jose State Univ last week.

Congraturations!!!

Architecture Walking Tour in SF

2009-05-18T12:38:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was pretty hot in all over Bay Area. However, San Francisco was perfectly beautiful. We did "Architecture Walking Tour"(http://www.architecturesf.com/). It was very informative and impressive. He(Rick) not only explained about historical buildings and backgrounds, but also the plan for the future development in the city and POPOS (Privately Owned Public Open Spaces). It's all new to me and makes me want to appreciate SF more.

Here is the background of POPOS:
While parks are the obvious public spaces, POPOS are often more hidden courtyards, roof-top gardens, and plazas open to city-dwellers. POPOS are an integral part of San Francisco’s downtown plan that allowed for high-density private development while allotting some spaces for public use. While these spaces are legally open to the public during certain hours of the day, many are unknown or uninviting as public spaces.

This is the map for POPOS.
www.architecturesf.com/blog

If you would like to do something different in the city, I think you will like this!

New respect to teachers

2009-05-11T15:24:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, I taught accounting/finance section for our class. Students are from different majors and our goal is to provide the big picture of how business functions and the general knowledge of business. With that, I didn't need to go into too much detail of accounting. I talked about the responsibilities of CPAs, the importance of financial records, the necessity of annual reports, etc. I introduced Asahi Beer's annual reports in English and Japanese. Most students are juniors. They are trying to figure out what kind of job they would like to have and what needs to be done right now. They all have very positive attitude and bring up good questions in the class. kinda naive, but straight and pure. I can't remember if I was like that 15 years ago... Although I didn't manage my time well and had extra time towards the end, other instructor filled up with more information and overall the class was good. (I think.)

boy... teaching is not easy. I don't know how teachers manage their class time. I don't know how they can keep kids' attention appropriately when they are not willing to study. I have a new respect to all teachers.

Bone scan CLEAR!

2009-05-05T11:02:00.001-07:00

I know one of the first sign of metasitsized breast cancer is back pain, besides the result of blood test. Every time I feel something in my back, I'm paranoid. My doctor advised me that it's part of side effects from medicine I'm taking. However, I started to feel dull pain in my back more often and my fear got bigger. My doctor knows how paranoid I've been so he scheduled the bone scan test right away to put my mind at ease. (He is very good at calming and comforting. I can ask any stupid questions and he doesn't think it's stupid. He takes my concerns very seriously. )

Bone scan is like a better version of x-ray. You lay down on the table and the machine rotates around you. No pain, nothing. easy test.

I got a call from my doctor's office, informing there is no cancer in my bones. YAY! My back pain must be coming from old mattress, lack of exercise, or just age...

Spring class at Doshisha University

2009-05-04T13:47:00.000-07:00

I had a chance to meet alumni members from my college in Kyoto (Doshisha University)about 2 years ago in San Jose. We don't have a formal network, but one of the sociology professor was here at Stanford for her research and we were getting together once in a while.
http://www.doshisha.ac.jp/english/

After she went back to Kyoto, she was able to get an approval for having a satellite class from Silicon Valley. She thought it's interesting and encouraging for college students to have connections with alumni and learn things from them. Alumni members were always willing to bring something back to the school and help students with our knowledge and experience.

I'm one of the members for this Spring semester and we had 3 sessions already. I'm learning from other alumni members as much as college students. We are all different age and work in different field. I will be teaching accounting/finance this week. Students in this class are very motivated and I'm impressed by that. I don't think I'm a perfect role model for them in any means, but I hope they can learn something from me and I can help them make decisions in life.

New Start

2009-04-27T20:44:00.000-07:00

I received an email from Iris's husband, Sam, to inform people that he and his daughter are going to move back to San Francisco where his family lives. He is going to sell the house in south bay, as well as furniture, electronics, etc. Iris loved the Japanese garden they had in their front yard.

I don't know if the cancer treatment made me emotionally weak or I'm just getting old. My big tears come out very quickly when I think of her. One day, we cried together, thinking we did something wrong in life and we got punished. Then, we said to each other "No, you are not a bad person. That's not why we got cancer."

There are things we can't understand. There are people we can't understand. It's frustrating when we can't make sense or feel unfair. Recently I often find myself being emotionally over-sensitive, because I feel I'm outside the circle or I'm not one of the people in the crowd. I feel jealous when I see a woman with nice boobs. I can't look at Victoria's secret catalog. Maybe I'm still angry at cancer. But life goes on. I need to move on. God is watching us how we move on. Iris must be so proud how Sam makes his decisions and does right things, but she would scold me for being a wimp :)

Squaw Valley

2009-04-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be SUPER busy at work during tax season, but I'm good at giving myself an excuse to have some time off from work. I was at Squaw Valley for the weekend.

well, I was never good at skiing so I switched to snowboard about 6 years ago, but I only get to go up to the mountain once or twice during the season. I haven't had a chance to develop my skills... I'm still a bad snowboarder... By the time I get my feelings back, I fell down enough times and my body isn't too happy to practice more. ughhhhhhh. I will have to go up there more next winter!

Hallmark's cancer card

2009-04-09T22:15:00.001-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

This morning, I saw this segment on Today's show. Hallmark makes cards for cancer patient with cute rhyme like:

"Cancer is a villain who doesn't play fair ... but it can't dim your spirit, and it can't silence prayer."

hmmmmm, am I glad I didn't get one of those. They said that they created them because people had a hard time knowing what to say:

"They said, 'I don't know what to say during a difficult time, so I don't say anything at all,' " Steffens said. "So again there's an opportunity there to help them talk through these tough situations that they're dealing with, and to foster that communication."

The guy on the show had a real good point. I must agree with him. Yes, it's supposed to be difficult to find what to say to cancer people, because cancer is life-threatening and devastating. You are supposed to struggle to find the right thing to say.

"I don't know what to say to her. oh! Hallmark has cards for me!" ...... ummmmmm, I don't think so... This is the time for a blank card or a plain sheet of notepaper, one on which you write your very own words, by hand, from the heart.

I always love hallmark's cards (my sister worked for Hallmark Japan for 3 years), but those sentimental greeting card specifically addressing the illness in a rhyming manner seems gross profitting.

Cancer on Grey's Anatomy

2009-03-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

Last week on ABC's Grey's Anatomy, one of the main characters, Dr Izzy Stevens was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic melanoma. The surviving rate for her particular situation is only 5%. This show is on 5th season. Although it hasn't gotten as much ratings as before, I still like to follow the story.

Every time I hear someone is going through cancer, my heart hurts. I can't watch people dying of cancer on TV or movies anymore. It's because I can relate to them too much. I'm sure Grey's Anatomy will describe the importance of fighting for life and the value of having supports from friends and family. It's just a TV show and it may seem silly to be attached, but watching someone living the fullest is something always encourages me. At the same time, it makes me think maybe having a life is a miracle.

It's tax time!

2009-03-03T13:17:00.000-08:00

6 more weeks until April 15!
About this time of last year, I finished with my first chemo therapy. Since I was in and out of the office so much, I didn't see many of our clients last year. This year, I'm in the office every day. Most of our clients knew what was going on with me already, but some didn't. Several people said "I like your new hair! When did you cut it?".

I'm simply happy to be able to come to work everyday. Isn't it great you can eat what you want and taste the food? I just remember I had lots of smoothies and jamba juice during chemo therapy. Even when I dream about tax returns and number at night during busy tax season and how tired I get, I still feel happy when I get up in the morning to go to work.

Celebration of life

2009-02-22T12:46:00.000-08:00

Iris passed away peacefully, in the company of her family & friends, at approximately 10:16pm on February 17, 2009. Yesterday (Feb 21), her family held her celebration of life at Hakone Garden in Saratoga. There were a lot of people from work, friends and family members. I knew she had a long way to fight against cancer but I didn't think this was her time.

Her husband said to me, "Iris wants you to know that you shouldn't be scared because of what happened to her. Her cancer was very aggressive and it shouldn't happen to you."

It immediately made me cry when I imagined what was going on in her mind. She was incredibly courageous and touched many people's lives. She loved yellow rubber duckies. Every time I see them, I will think of her.

I believe one's life is valued by how it will be remembered. She will be truly remembered by all of us as the most courageous and loving woman.

Hair appt

2009-02-19T21:39:00.000-08:00

I had my first hair appt. the REAL one! I got tired of the black, so I had few highlights. (kinda hard to see in this picture) She thinned and trimmed it. I like it!

Since my hair grows sooooooo slow, I have plenty of time to enjoy this short hair.

We will meet again.

2009-02-10T21:34:00.001-08:00

(This is Minori and me last year. She was 1 year old.)

I grew up in Christian girls school in Kyoto from 7th grade. We had 20 minutes service every morning. I used to fall asleep and my teacher touched/hit my head with his bible to wake me up.

Although my family wasn't Christian, things I learned from everyday service are always important foundation to me. I started going to the Methodist church in San Jose about 6 years ago. Our church has both English and Japanese worships. I can go either or both.

My minister, Rev. Michi, is from my school, Doshisha University. He graduated 2 years before me. I was very comfortable in our church with his sermon, because the way he does his service was how I grew up.

He baptized me 2 years ago on Christmas day. He helped me so much during my cancer treatment. Every time I was in the hospital, he came and gave me a prayer. He came over to my place to check up on me and sent me many cards with meaningful messages. I can't thank him enough for giving me strength and courage.

After finishing 6 and half years of ministry in San Jose, he and his family(wife Naoko and daughter Minori) decided to go back to Japan and start a new ministry in Kamakura-city. My tears kept coming down like a waterfall from the beginning of his last sermon. I couldn't even look at him. I cried because I was sad, but also very grateful that I met him.

"God Be with You till We Meet Again" (UMH #672)
http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh672.sht

God will be always with us no matter where we live. I don't know when we can see each other again, but we will!

I need lots of prayers.

2009-02-05T22:57:00.001-08:00

I met Iris through my oncologist office in July 2008. She just finished with lumpectomy surgery and was about to start chemotherapy. We became cancer buddies right away. Although we thought we were going to go through this together and support each other, the reality took us to the different direction than we expected. Right before she was going to start chemotherapy in August 2008, she was told that cancer has spread to lymph nodes on the right side of her neck. She was reclassified to stage IV from stage II. With that, chemotherapy was to control cancer rather than to cure, as long as the cancer cells would respond to it.

She is one of the most caring and kind person I've ever met in my life. She always asks me how I'm doing even when she is not feeling good. Her husband is such a great person as well. They have a daughter who is 17 months old. They are strong beautiful family.

In December, despite of chemotherapy she's been doing for several months, they found the cancer spread to her brain. She decided to go with alternative medicine from that point.

Last week, she had a brain surgery. Initially (in December)the cancer in her brain was not operable, but it got bigger and affected her various abilities. The surgery was successful. She is recovering very quickly. However, brain surgery only took care of a visible tumor. She has to fight against invisible ones in her system.

All last week, I prayed God for helping her and her family to get through this tough time. I constantly think about her, then ask myself what I can do. I can't physically go see her every day, but I can pray for her every day. It hurts me when I think about her frustration and pain.

She believes in the ablitities of her body and decided to continue her alternative medicine. She is unbelievably amazingly strong. I need your prayers and well-wishes, because she deserves it.

Osaka Castle

2009-02-03T22:03:00.001-08:00

Osaka is known as a business town, however, among many tall buildings, there are old buildings such as shrines and temples. Osaka castle is one of them. They built a very modern museum inside the main tower. I haven't been there since I was in grammar school for field trip. I remember old squeaky steep stairs and tatami room inside.

http://www.osakacastle.net/english/index.html

This is also a fun place to visit in Osaka.

De Young Museum (Yves Saint Laurent)

2009-01-27T22:33:00.001-08:00

My girlfriend Michiko and I went to De Young Museum to see the exhibition of Yves Saint Laurent. De Young Museum is located in Golden Gate Park and this was my first time going inside the museum. Yves Saint Laurent is well known in Japan for perfumes and cosmetics more than clothing. I assumed he's been gone for a long time ago since his brand has been so famous for so long. Actually he just passed away last year in June.

He designed many stage costumes as well. There are interesting different dresses displayed. She and I were looking to see which one would be our favorite.

It's available until April 5, 2009. I have a membership so that I can take one guest for free! Let me know if you would like to go :)
http://www.ysldeyoung.org/

Kyoto (Nishiki Market)

2009-01-20T22:16:00.001-08:00

Nishiki market is called the Kyoto's kitchen. It is about 6 blocks long and runs east-west, from Teramachi Street to Takakura Street. It is located one block north of Shijo Street (Shijo-dori). I was with my friend who was born and raised in Kyoto. We were in the same neighborhood and decided to walk to the market. Since it was new year's eve, there were a lot of people there, but we got to see many seasonal fresh produce. I had such a fun day with her and her daughters.

If you have a chance to be in Kyoto, this place is a must!

Osaka (Sky Building)

2009-01-20T18:54:00.001-08:00

I was born and raised in Osaka. Osaka is the second largest city and known as business town. There are old buildings and new buildings well- mixed in Osaka. From sky building, we can see almost everything in Osaka.

(From Wikipedia)
The Umeda Sky Building (Umeda Sukai Biru) is the seventh-tallest building in Osaka City, Japan, and one of the city's most recognizable landmarks. It consists of two 40-story towers that connect at their two uppermost stories, with bridges and an escalator crossing the wide atrium-like space in the center.

New Year's food

2009-01-19T22:45:00.001-08:00

Each item has a special meaning for New Year's wish. I didn't care for the taste of New Year's food when I was a kid. As an adult, it's much more meaningful to appreciate and understand what those things are for.

My dad used to had me and my sister drink sake on New Year's day. We were still in grammer school. We thought sake was a awful thing to drink. But now, it tastes so good :)

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T13:53:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!
I'm spending New Year's with my family and friends in Japan. It's not too cold here although it snowed a bit yesterday in Osaka.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-27T22:23:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!
Baby Emi is 6 and half months old. My hair is still shorter than hers...

After fire....

2008-12-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

It's been 1 week since the fire incident. Inspectors from city of San Jose came last week but it didn't pass, so contractors had to do more work. Yesterday, they finished painting bathroom and cleaning the carpet. They need to install a mirror and shelves in the bathroom. Hopefully I can get back tonight...

There is a tradition of big cleaning in Japan before New Year's Day. In order to start a new year, you need to get rid of all the dust and clean up the clutters so God will come to your house bringing good luck. Now my carpet is clean and fluffy and the bath tub is also clean and shiny. I will do a complete year-end big cleaning this weekend!

FIRE!!!

2008-12-10T13:20:00.001-08:00

There was a fire incident last night in my apartment complex...
No injury, no damage to personal items, so no worries. But it started in my bathroom!

Repair people were in my unit from 9am yesterday to fix my shower. Hot water doesn't come out in the way it should, so I requested a repair. They had to shut down the water system for the entire complex while they were working. When I got home around 7pm, guys were still working! They said because the building is old, pipes are old and clogged. They wanted to finish as soon as they can so other people can use water. I felt bad and decided to go out for dinner with my girlfriend.

When we were almost done with dessert, my cell phone rang. It's from apartment manager.

"There was a situation in your unit. The repair work caused fire and your room is a mess. You will need to get your stuff NOW!"

I asked "How bad is it?". She said she doesn't know and asked me to call back in 30 minutes.

I visualized my room being all black, smokey and wet while I was driving back to my place. Fire trucks and police cars were just leaving when I got there. My heart was pounding...

When I entered my room, I didn't see anything black or wet. I just smelled smoke.
well, luckily there is no damage to my personal items.

What happened was that several workers were trying to repair the pipe from my bathroom and also under the building. Something happened under the building and fire shot straight up inside the wall between my bathroom and my neighbor's bathroom. Damage was controlled in 2 bathrooms. Although my neighbor and one of the workers needed to go to the hospital for smoke inhalation, there was nothing serious. It could have been a lot worse...

Since I didn't have any damage, I can laugh and talk about it. (It is really not as bad as pictures look.) However,it is absolutely scary and terrible feeling when you are threatened by fire. I feel so helpless when I have only a little bit of control.

Christmas is coming!

2008-12-08T20:58:00.001-08:00

I don't have Christmas tree in my place. I usually have just poinsettia, wreath, and some small decoration for Christmas. My girlfriend Yuka sent me this. She lives in Orange County and she knows how much I love Disney....

First haircut

2008-11-17T14:35:00.001-08:00

All parts of my hair were exactly the same length. (of course...) Because of that, the bottom part close to the neck looked a lot longer than the top part. It's time to get trimmed!

I went to see my stylist Gina who cut my hair to shoulder length in January and did military cut in February. It took her for 5 minites to clean up my hair this time. It looks much much better. I like it. I miss going to the salon...

When does "survivor" status start?

2008-11-13T23:30:00.000-08:00

Am I a survivor from the day I got cancer even if I didn't know I had it?

Am I a survivor from the day I was diagnosed?

Am I a survivor from the day I finished treatments?

or Do I need to make it 5 years?

I don't think there is a clear definition or answer for this. There is still a chance of recurrence after 5 years. To tell you the truth, "when" is not important. The important thing is to have "new normal" life, let your cancer experience enrich your life and move forward.

Some people look at me like I'm damaged. Some people think I'm cured. Some people think I'm all good because I look good. I don't consider myself a survivor yet. I don't think it's over yet. I constantly fight against the fear of recurrence and anxiety. My chance of recurrence in 10 years is between 8 to 9%. Statistically, only 1 of 250 women in 30's gets breast cancer, which is less than 0.5%. Because I was already in 0.5% category, statistics don't mean too much to me anymore. To me, surviving means simply living. There is nothing more important than living every day with joy and appreciation.

Last procedure for reconstruction

2008-11-10T14:35:00.000-08:00

This is it. I got my first tattoo ever! This is to rebuild the nipple and areola as completion of breast reconstruction. I was given local anesthesia. I couldn't see what's going on but I could hear the drilling sound and feel it without pain. I felt a little pain towards the end so doctor gave me more medicine. He said "well, people don't get numbing medicine out there." oh boy...

There is a newer procedure called nipple-sparing mastectomy. The nipple and areola are left in place while the breast tissue under them is removed. However, my surgeon favored total mastectomy because the nipple has the same type of breast tissue as inside the skin.

All I have from now is follow up appointment with my cancer doctors, general surgeon, plastic surgeon and oncologist. I can official say I'm done!

PS: To my girlfriends, I will show you my final product per your request :)

Happy Halloween

2008-10-30T21:33:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween!

1 year from D-day

2008-10-23T13:07:00.000-07:00

I was diagnosed with breast cancer on October 23, 2007. Ironically, I had an appointment with my oncologist today, October 23, 2008. I will see him every 3 months for 1 year. After that, it will be once a year forever. He is a young doctor (38 years old). He and I will see each other for a long long time :)

When I was driving to his office this morning, I had a clear flashback of the day I was diagnosed. I couldn't even imagine how I would be a year after. Now, here I am! Am I a different person than a year ago? Yes. I have missing body part. I have a big scar. My hair is very short. Am I a better person? Yes. I know what's more important in life. I'm more gracious for what I have everyday.

I wonder how I will be next year, 5 years later or 10 years later. Can I be who I wanna be? I sure hope so.

a little bit over 4 months

2008-10-20T22:21:00.000-07:00

Emi was born one week after my last chemo. We are both 4 months old! She has longer hair than I do, though :) I had a chance to babysit her last weekend. She was such a good baby. I can't wait to see her again for Christmas.

A CREED FOR THOSE WHO HAVE SUFFERED

2008-10-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend from golf team told us about this poem. We all desire to follow our own plans based on what we think is best for our lives. She and I both realized after our own journey how important to appreciate our everyday life with peace of mind, love and joy.

A CREED FOR THOSE WHO HAVE SUFFERED

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey...

I asked for health, that I might do greater things I was given infirmity, that I might do better things...

I asked for riches, that I might be happy I was given poverty, that I might be wise...

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God...

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life I was given life, that I might enjoy all things...

I got nothing that I asked for―but everything I had hoped for

Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am among all men, most richly blessed! 　　

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Key to The Cure

2008-10-13T11:54:00.000-07:00

This Friday (10/17), I will be volunteering at Saks Fifth Avenue in San Francisco for "Key to The Cure" for Fertile Hope, the same non-profit organization I worked for last month. Fertile Hope is one of the beneficiaries of this charitable shopping initiative. There will be a section for Fertile Hope in the store. Come see me and do some shopping!

Key to The Cure at Saks Fifth Avenue in SF (October 16-19)
2% of sales will be donated to local charity partners. Funds raised will go towards organizations focusing on research, treatment and education for breast, ovarian, cervical and uterine cancers. Since 1999, together with its vendors and partners, Saks has donated more than $28 million to fight women's cancers.The limited-edition t-shirt designed by Karl Lagerfeld exclusively for Saks Fifth Avenue is $40 and $35 will go directly to the Entertainment Industry Foundation’s Women’s Cancer Research Fund to fight women's cancers.

Saks has also filled two days with special guests and events to inspire and energize your body and spirit! This 2-day Women’s Health & Wellness Fete will take place in the store on October 17th & 18th.

Friday, October 17: 12-7pm

Saturday, October 18: 10am-5pm

Free to the public, women can stop at numerous stations to find their perfect pair of jeans and eyeliner color to advice on healthy eating, stress management and reproductive advice. The event will promote women to feel good, look good, and take proactive steps to maintain optimal health.High-end prizes from Fendi, Epi Med Spa, American Roots Winery, Guiseppe Zanotti, Vincent Agor jewelry, International Orange, and more will be awarded to a select group of shoppers who visit Saks and test whether or not a puzzle piece (mailed directly from Saks) matches up with any of the "missing links" displayed in the store.

http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/Promo/keytocure.jsp

Saks Fifth Avenue
384 Post Street

San Francisco, CA 94108

415-986-4300

Hours

Monday - Wednesday, 10 AM - 7 PM

Thursday - Saturday, 10 AM - 8 PM

Sunday, 11 AM - 6 PM

My best friend's wedding

2008-10-06T20:57:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was my best friend Michiko's wedding at our church in San Jose. I was her maid of honor. It was such a lovely day! perfect weather, many smiles and lots of love. I think I was more nervous than she was.

When I was going through chemo treatment, I really looked forward to her wedding. At that time, I couldn't even imagine how I would look and how I would feel. I just knew time would go by and the day would come. I'm so grateful that I met her and thankful to have a friend like her. She is the kindest sweetest person.

It was one of the happiest days of my life!

Hope Uncorked at Ducca

2008-09-29T09:33:00.001-07:00

Working at Hope Uncorked for "Fertile Hope" was such an amazing experience!

Silent auction was just unbelievable with full of gorgeous items, such as Master's ticket, ESPY tickets, Callaway golf club sets, magnum wine bottles, many gift certificates, etc. The entire restaurant was for the party with 340 guests, lots of food and lots of wine. It was one of the most gorgeous upscale parties I've ever been to. There was a red carpet entrance and everyone was dressed up very nicely.

My doctor (Dr. Lynn Westphal) was one of the VIPs. I was so glad to tell her that I finished chemo therapy and I'm doing well. Tears came out my eyes when I was talking to her. Nurses from her clinic were volunteering, too. I also had a chance to talk to Lindsay Nohr Beck, the founder of Fertile Hope, to thank her for all the work she has done.

Evan Handler (yes, Jewish lawyer Harry, Charlotte's husband on Sex and the City) was a guest speaker. He was diagnosed with leukemia when he was 24 years old and was told it's incurable. He wrote a book about his journey, including overcoming the illness and fertility issue.

Everyone at the party has personal experience with cancer and fertility. It is just amazing to know that there are so many people who give support and help for others. It is heartwarming to know we are all helping others and helped by others.

surgery done

2008-09-28T17:33:00.000-07:00

My surgery was done without any problems on 9/26. It took about one hour. I had to check in 2 hours before and stayed in the hospital for 2 hours after the surgery. I wasn't allowed to drink or eat from midnight, so I was very very hungry when I was leaving the hospital. My girlfriend Michi was with me and we went to eat at Chinese restaurant on the way home :)

I have one drain with tube to collect fluid, just like when I had mastectomy. But unlike last time, I have no pain. (a bit sore, totally manageable with pain medication) My plastic surgeon is supposed to take out the drain tomorrow.

"Fertile Hope"

2008-09-22T11:43:00.000-07:00

When I decided to preserve my fertility before starting chemo in January 2008, I learned about the non-profit organization called "Fertile Hope" in New York. It was established in 2001 by Lindsay Nohr Beck, two-time cancer survivor from SF Bay area. She was 22 years old when first diagnosed with tongue cancer. She had very little information about fertility preservation treatments at that time. As a result of her own endeavors to preserve her fertility in the face of critical cancer treatments, she decided to create the organization that provides reproductive information, support and hope to cancer patients whose medical treatments present the risk of infertility.

She went through exactly what I went though, emotionally and physically. She was also my doctor (Dr. Lynn Westphal at Stanford)'s patient. I was eligible to receive support from Fertile Hope. Now I have a chance to show my appreciation to them. I will be volunteering at their event "Hope Uncorked" this Thursday 9/25 (yes, the day before my surgery :) at Ducca Restaurant in SF.

http://www.fertilehope.org/about-fertile-hope/events-detail.cfm?EID=302

Recently Lindsay was interviewed on NBC's Today Show. Now she is married and has healthy children.

Another inspiring encouraging woman I admire!

Nice Stranger #2

2008-09-18T20:30:00.001-07:00

My hair is growing. I look like a "Monchhichi". It's not this long yet, though. I will upload my picture next week.

I decided to take my scarf off at the gym this week for kickboxing class because my head sweats too much. Oh my God...... I look so boyish and tough :) When I was in ladies locker room to change, the girl next to me looked at my hair and said "Your hair is so cute!". I'm like "Thank you. I finished chemo therapy 3 months ago." She said "oh ... I had no idea. I really thought you have such a cute haircut", telling me about her friends who had chemo therapy and how nicely their hair came back. I told her "It means a lot to me. Thank you."

People who know my condition have told me my super short hair would look cute, but when somebody who doesn't know about me gives me a compliment like that really means something. I thought whoever looks at me might think my hair is too short and doesn't look right. But after I heard what she said today, that fear totally went away. I felt encouraged. She made my day.

I decided to go to work tomorrow without head scarf. my first day for new hair!

Surgery rescheduled - September 26

2008-09-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

My surgery for reconstruction is rescheduled to September 26. I wanted to get it done earlier but this is the earliest they can do. oh well... I might as well enjoy being able to go kickboxing class and play golf until then.

I played at Santa Clara Golf course this past weekend. I carried my bag on my shoulder and walked, like college golfers! I like walking if the course is not too bad to walk. When I walk, I have more time to think and compose myself, besides I get more exercise. It's also a good mental training for me to try to focus on for 5 hours. While I was playing, I realized I don't concentrate my mind in daily basis. I mean I do enough for daily activities every day. I need to make more time to meditate and clear up my mind. Golf certainly helps me.

Tartine Bakery

2008-08-29T15:03:00.000-07:00

I had a chance to go to Tartine Bakery in San Francisco last weekend. I've been wanting to try this place and I was so happy when my girlfriend took me there! We had banana cream pie and Croque Monsieur. very yummy :) We got there around 6pm and people were constantly lining up until 8pm when they closed.

http://www.tartinebakery.com/

I love good food! We need to try Bar Tartine next time.

3 months

2008-08-25T23:37:00.000-07:00

It's been 3 months after last chemo. My new hair is soooooooooo soft. I can't stop touching my head when I'm home...

It's still too short to go without headcover. Maybe one more month.

One big step

2008-08-23T10:08:00.000-07:00

It's been 12 weeks after last chemo. (I will upload my hair picture soon :) According to my doctor, my period should come back within 6 months. However, there is 20% chance that chemo might cause permanent infertility. That's why I preserved my fertility in February with egg freezing.

Since my surgery got postponed, I was at work like usual and I started to feel something funny in my stomach. Later that day, my period came. I still had my period for first 2 months of chemo until March and it stopped. I can't see how my system shut down by chemo and reopen, like hair growth. I've anticipated for my body to go back normal, although I've been feeling totally normal. This is a big step for my recovery. Can't complain about bad cramps...

Surgery postponed

2008-08-21T16:30:00.000-07:00

My reconstruction surgery got postponed.

I received a call from my doctor's office on Wed. "Hospital called your insurance company today and they said you don't have insurance. We called them earlier this week and there was no problem. You need to check with them."

("whaaaaaaaaat?")

When I called my insurance company (Anthem, formerly Blue Cross), I was told the entire group I belong to got terminated. We (my boss and co-workers) all belong to the same group! It turned out there was some billing problem with administration and the group administrator was able to talk to insurance company to fix the problem. Although we got restated (supposedly), it didn't happen on time for my hospital to process their paper work for my surgery, so no surgery this week...

I asked my doctor to reschedule my surgery after Labor Day weekend. I have at least 2 more weeks to play golf, go to kickboxing class, etc.

nice stranger

2008-08-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

Although I wear a scarf to cover my head everyday and it's a bit obvious that I don't have hair, people usually don't come up to me. The other day, I was at Thai restaurant for dinner and the waitress asked me if I'm going through chemo. I said "yes, I finished about 3 month ago." and she said she did chemo therapy 4 years ago for breast cancer. She is Thai and very pretty. She looked about the same age as me. She is still on medication (tamoxifen), the one I'm taking. Then, she said "You look good. You will be fine." in very gracious way. From that moment, we felt like we've known each other. It is funny how people feel connected.

There are so many people who had told me about their personal experiences with cancer. It's just amazing. And they all live strong and enjoy every moment of life. I wouldn't have known what they had gone through if I didn't have cancer.

I will not need a scarf soon. (I still look like a monkey though.) I will not look like a cancer patient but I will always be the one who knows how it's like, hopefully the one to encourage others like her.

Crazy Sexy Cancer (Kris Carr)

2008-07-27T23:49:00.000-07:00

Kris Carr was diagnosed with a rare and incurable cancer in 2003. She was only 31 years old. She was an actress and decided to film her own documentary for her 4 years of journey.

http://www.crazysexycancer.com/

I saw her on the Oprah Winfrey show the other day. I had a chance to read her book and watch her film. She is so inspirational and beautiful. I wanna be like her!

She still lives with cancer and manages it without progression by being a healing junkie/great cancer patient. The film teaches us many things: encouragement, appreciation, strength and attitude.

I cried when she cries in this film. I laughed when she laughed. Like she said she has bullets in her body and doesn't know when it blows off. When it does, it critically harms her body. That's exactly how I felt before surgery. Now my bullets are invisible. I wish I could go back to the day when cancer decided to grow in my body. I wish I could change something from that day.

Life is unfair, but we only have one life. The most fear we all have in life is death. We don't wanna die yet. Our lives seem uncontrollable sometimes, don't they? But I wanna make the best effort to feel in control and make everyday one of the best days of my life.

slowly growing back

2008-07-24T00:42:00.001-07:00

It's been 8 weeks since my last chemo. My hair is slowly growing back. very slow, though. It's fuzzy and soft, like baby hair.

Not only my hair, other body hair is growing back, too. My eyebrows and eyelashes are back. My nose hair is back, too. yeah, I have to shave my legs now!

I suppose I will need 2 more months to go without wig or scarf. I'm looking forward to seeing how my hair grow back.

Cupcake Tasting

2008-07-15T23:06:00.000-07:00

My bestfriend from church is getting married next month. I am a maid of honor and I've been helping her for wedding preparation. It's a lot of work but lots of fun. We went cupcake tasting at Sibby's Cupcakery in San Mateo yesterday.

http://www.sibbyscupcakery.com/

I don't usually care for cupcakes especially frostings. Oh my God, it was soooooooooo good. We tried 4 different flavors, Butter Cup, Red Velvet, Grandma's Chocolate Tea Cake and Lemon Drop. I liked them all!

Theme colors for the wedding are yellow and light green. She picked Lemon Drop with yellow buttercream frosting and Grandma's Chocolate Tea Cake with sage green cream cheese frosting. It will be so good!

A little thing

2008-07-14T23:07:00.000-07:00

I'm able to play golf, eat normal, drink moderately and make myself look normal, except my hair. As I'm getting to look normal again, I can feel more gap between my outside appearance and inside feelings. People will stop asking me how I'm doing when my hair grows back. Some people probably forget I had cancer.

The other night, I got snapped off for no reason. I have a night cap for my head and didn't have it when I needed. Without my consciousness, I was thinking "I wish I didn't have cancer so I wouldn't need a night cap or whatsoever." Once I start having such a thought, it's hard to compose myself strongly. I must admit that I struggle to accept the fact I'm angry at cancer. I've tried to seal my anger inside of me and learned how to not let it bother me, but still, once in a while it comes to the surface as a reminder. Dealing with depression and uncertainty is far more harder than actual cancer. I need to learn how to build more strength in me.

July 4th

2008-07-03T14:46:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July!

Reconstruction surgery scheduled - Aug 22

2008-06-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

I'm done with chemo therapy, so what's next?

I had an appt with my plastic surgeon. The next step is to remove the tissue expander in my breast and insert a permanent implant. My doctor will be on vacation from mid July to mid August. My surgery is scheduled on August 22. It would be a plastic type of surgery. I'm not worried about it at all.

I have 2 more months without physical inconvenience. I've been going to gym for workout and I can continue to do that. yay! It's great to feel physical strength that I didn't have for a long time. Human body is just amazing. My body just went through something traumatic but never gives up.

Officially clear!

2008-06-19T15:27:00.000-07:00

I had an appt with my oncologist today as first follow-up after last chemo. Blood test is not great but okay. (white cell count is low, but he thinks it should go back to normal naturally.)

I will be taking a hormone medication (Tamoxifen) for next 5 years. My cancer cell was hormone receptor positive. It means hormone feeds cancer cells. In other words, cancer can't grow without receiving hormone. Tamoxifen doesn't stop my body to produce hormones, but it will prevent hormones from feeding cancer cells that might possibly remain in my body.

I will see him every 3 months for 3 years and once a year after that. Mammogram and blood test will be done annually. I asked him if PET scan or CT scan are needed as additional checkups. He said "No." He thinks my chemo treatment and hormone medication are aggressive enough and I should be okay. I was so relieved when he said that!

I drove the streets around the hospital so many times for last 8 months. Today was a different day. I had a clear flashback from the day I was first diagnosed, October 22, 2007 . I was driving the same street today remembering how my doctor told me that I have cancer 8 months ago. I was very calm but confused and scared. Today, I felt not only happy and strong but also proud of myself.

Last chemo done!

2008-06-01T20:32:00.001-07:00

Done!!!

My doctor and hospital staff gave me a teddy bear and certificate.

When I first started chemo in February, I thought May is just so far away. Last day finally came.

Chemo drug will be working in my system for 3 to 4 weeks and some side effects may remain longer than 6 months. It was to kill all growing cells, bad ones and good ones. Now good cells will start working again. My body is going to be reborn.

Memorial Day Weekend in Orange County

2008-05-31T12:07:00.000-07:00

My coach from college golf team was in Orange County/LA last weekend. My 3rd taxol treatment went well and I was up for playing golf, so I flew down there on Friday. Although I haven't played for 6 months, I hit balls consistantly and I was just happy to be able to play! I have been looking forward to this day and finally I did!

I still have one more treatment and follow-up reconstruction surgery. I passed the hardest part of this treatment and I can tell my body is getting stronger so is my mind. It's such a blessing.

not much side effect

2008-05-14T14:44:00.000-07:00

My 2nd taxol was on May 1. Well, I didn't have much pain this time. First 3 days after infusion, I have to go to bathroom very frequently and my body aches a little, but I can't call it "pain". My taste buds are off but not as bad as previous medication. I taste food good enough and feel good enough to cook. I will have 3rd treatment this week, May 15. I will probably do fine as well as last time according to my doctor.

I thought May is so far away when I first started chemo treatment in February. My friends keep saying "it's almost done!" yes, almost done. then what? I've been looking forward to finishing treatments so long, but at the same time, I feel comfortable being in treatments because I know for sure nothing bad would happen while I'm under the care. I guess this is the next step I'm going to take. "How am I going to take care of myself?"

Taxol started.

2008-04-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday (April 17), I had my first taxol treatment. I was anxiously waiting for the side effects to come over the weekend. My body was a bit achy but it wasn't bad until Sunday night. I had a bad headache when I went to bed and also when I woke up Monday morning. Since this is my first treatment, I wanted to see how it progresses, so I stayed home. My body was stiff because of pain and I didn't have much appetite. I slept a lot. I felt tired until Tuesday morning.

Now, I don't have any body pain but I'm suffering from allergy! I've never had any allergy... My immune system is weak. I can't fight. ugh.... Overall it's still better than previous side effect.

Half done!

2008-04-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

A week after My sister went back to Japan, I had my 4th treatment. (April 3) This is the last one with this chemo drug. I have 4 more sessions with different drug(Taxol) which has milder side effects.

Tax season is almost over. (Thank God...) I don't wear my wig at work. I wear a scarf like this, instead. It's more comfortable. My boss and I have told many of our clients about my medical situation during this tax season and it made my work a lot easier. It is just amazing how many of our clients told me their personal experiences. I wouldn't have known about their situation if I weren't going through this right now. And it's very encouraging to know they are all going healthy and strong.

3rd chemo done

2008-03-25T12:55:00.000-07:00

3rd session was done last Thursday, 20th. My sister came and stayed with me during the treatment. My girlfriend came for a while so 3 girls were chatting and eating snacks together. As I expected, I started to feel sick when I got home and lay down.

I was feeling pretty good on Friday. Maybe because my sister is here. She helps me some housework and simply does things for me. Although I can't have too much fun with her, my friends make time for her to entertain her when I don't feel too good or while I'm at work.

Other than having a sore throat and constant cough, I'm feeling to regain the normal level of physical strength. I like this stage, getting back to normal. I'm just happy to be able to do normal things.

Vacuum Cleaner

2008-03-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

I got a new vacuum cleaner!

My sister brought me so much stuff. This is the most bulky item. I'm so used to using light weight canister type vacuum cleaner and didn't like regular upright ones. (I just didn't like vacuuming.)

My sister is here.

2008-03-20T08:00:00.002-07:00

My sister came from Japan for my 3rd treatment. She will be here for 10 days. I'll be home resting for 3 days after the treatment, including weekend. She will be on her own most of the day while I'm at work.

My boss is a season ticket holder for San Jose Sharks(NHL) and my sister and I had a chance to go see the game. It's against Minnesota Wild, number 1 in the league right now. Minnesota tied in 40 seconds of the last period and they went to overtime but no score. We won 2-1 in shootout! It was very entertaining. Go Sharks!

Head shaved

2008-03-13T13:01:00.001-07:00

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=KfwtTRj8mqk&feature=related

As I predicted, my hair started to shed last week before 2nd chemo. I already had an appt with my hairstylist next day to shave my head so I don't have to clean up fallen hair. I would be wearing wig or cap and hair will stay inside when it comes off.

When I was growing up, there is a cartoon about a monk named IKKYU. He is still a trainee in the temple and very smart. I like that cartoon and now I look like him :) As a matter of fact, I look so much like my father. (yes, he was bald.) It just makes me smile whenever I see myself in a mirror. Thanks to that, I didn't have an emotional moment with my new shaved head.

2nd chemo done

2008-03-10T08:35:00.000-07:00

Second chemo was on March 6, Thursday. My chemo girlfriend and I did it together again. It was her last session! (I should call it celebration or graduation.) She has been my mentor for the treatment and I feel positive and optimistic, thanks to her great advise.

Unlike last time, it hit me sooner and longer. I started to feel tired and fatigue in the afternoon as soon as I got home on Thursday. I slept all day Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I was more active on Sunday as I went to walk the trail for about 1 hour to get some fresh air . It was a beautiful day. Today(Monday) I'm back to work. My head is a bit foggy and not too sharp but durable. I will need to build more strength until next session.

Cirque du Soleil (Kooza)

2008-03-05T11:11:00.000-08:00

Kooza is currently performed in San Jose. They use the parking lot for city employees which is just 2 blocks away from my office. I had a chance to go see Kooza.

http://www.cirquedusoleil.com/CirqueDuSoleil/en/default.htm

I saw Corteo 3 years ago in the same location. Unlike Corteo, Kooza doesn't have much of its storyline, but it was entertaining as well as Corteo.

Kickboxing class

2008-02-28T20:25:00.000-08:00

I love kickboxing class at my gym. I used to go the class or do workout in the gym at least twice a week, until I had my biopsy in October. I wasn't able to jump around because it hurts the incision area. I don't usually get to go to the class during tax season due to work schedule, but my body gets really tense when I don't get enough exercise. Today, I was feeling good but not too productive at work, so I decided to leave work earlier than usual to go to the kickboxing class. It's been almost 4 month since I went to the class last time!

I still can't jump too much but was able to enjoy 1 hour workout plus some weight exercise. During chemo therapy, doing exercise is strongly recommended to fight against fatigue. I will try to gain physical strength back.

Hibernation

2008-02-26T19:52:00.001-08:00

Day 3 after chemo (Saturday), I was tired and slept a lot. Sunday as well, like a hibernated bear. No energy, just sleepy. Since I need to drink lots of water, I get up in the middle of night several times. By Monday morning, I was feeling pretty normal. My head was a bit slow but I was able to work all day. Today(Tuesday), I got more energy back. Except having sore throat and mild nausea, I'm good. I'm assuming this is how it goes. Some people have harder time in the later treatment. Some have easier time. I'll see how mine goes.

Beagles rock!

2008-02-25T21:41:00.000-08:00

Uno (beagle) won the Westminster dog show. I was admitted in the stanford hospital and I kept seeing this news. He actually came as a guest at Martha Stewart Show.

Beagles rock!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/13/sports/othersports/13westminster.html?_r=1&em&ex=1203051600&en=c8da5dd435661271&ei=5087%0A&oref=slogin

Anti-nausea medication

2008-02-24T10:43:00.000-08:00

The main side effect from Adriamycin/Cytoxan is nausea. My doctor gave me 4 different drugs, Emend, Reglan, Ativan and Protonix.

I was a little nauseated in the evening of my chemo therapy and next day. I was told to eat small portion of meal more frequently. Saturday(Day 3), I was more tired. not much energy. I slept most of the day. I guess chemo meds are traveling all the way in my body. But I can still get up and do things. It's not bad at all. I'll listen to my body and just rest when I need. I hope I get some energy back soon.

1 down out of 8

2008-02-21T16:02:00.000-08:00

I had my first chemo therapy today. I'm on the combination of 2 different drugs, Adriamycin and Cytoxan for the first 4 sessions and Taxol for the rest of 4 sessions. It's every other week so my last session will be in the last week of May.

Since it was my first time, my oncologist, nurse and other staff took extreme good care of me by providing all information and advise I need. They gave me this blanket and matching pillows today. Volunteer people make those with different fabrics for cancer patients and I picked this. Isn't lovely and cheerful? It's great to know there are so many people who are supportive even though we don't know each other.

My chemo girlfriend had her 7th session today as well. We sat next to each other and we were just chatting away. I'm soooooo relieved that I finally got this started. I was waiting for starting this chapter.

Sushi

2008-02-20T23:50:00.001-08:00

My weight is back to normal (Thank God...) and I feel normal, too.
I'm starting chemo therapy tomorrow. I'm supposed to not to eat anything raw or fresh to avoid bacteria since my immune system wouldn't be strong. So I went to eat sushi today. It was good :)

For next 4 months, chemo will be very challenging, however, I consider this is the time to remake my body to live long and healthy. Chemo will kill everything in my system so I can create a new body. I'll eat well and exercise well. I will have a brand new body. When I see it this way, 4 months don't seem too long.

Look how big my tummy is!

2008-02-16T23:13:00.000-08:00

This is how I have extra 20 pounds water weight. I look 6 month pregnant. I think it's funny. (It wasn't funny until few days ago. ) Thank God, I'm losing 5 pounds everyday.

There are always risks and side effects from any medications and I'm starting to think my body is sensitive to medications. One of my older friend who is a cancer survivor told me that I should think chemo is working well if side effects hit me. If side effects aren't too bad, I should think I'm just lucky. I think it's a good way of thinking.

Unexpected hopital stay after egg retrieval

2008-02-13T14:07:00.001-08:00

On Feb 5 Tues, I had egg retrieval procedure done as scheduled. There were 33 eggs. It's so many! My fertility doctor was happy, though. I took a day off and rested all day, however, from that night, I had mild symptoms of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome(OHSS, see below). This is a complication from fertility medication. Basically ovaries are still trying to collect fluid. My doctor had already told me what to expect and given me instructions. I had to drink a lot of Gatorade and eat proteins, but It got worse next day, so I stayed home again.

Thursday Feb 7, I was still sick so went to see my doctor's clinic in Stanford. Although I drunk a lot, all went to my tummy area so I was very dehydrated. They took ultrasound and gave me IV and more pain medication. My tummy was huge but I had to wait until my body adjusts as guided my doctor. I had to postpone chemo therapy I was scheduled.

Friday, I stayed home, no change. I can't move. I look like a wine barrel. so big and round. I couldn't tolerate any more. I had to have my girlfriend drive me to ER at El Camino Hospital in the evening. Ultrasound showed anything unusual. ER doctor contacted my doctor in Stanford and gave me the same treatment, IV and pain meds.

Saturday Feb 9, I suffered at home... According to my doctor, the peak is now and things should turn around anytime. I was very miserable. I waited, waited and waited. No change. I knew I could go any further. I called my doctor's office. They told me to come to ER in Stanford hospital and they will be waiting for me. It was past mid night. When I got there, the bed was ready and they took me in right away. Thank God...

Sunday Feb 10, my tummy is huge and I have almost 30 pounds heavier than normal. It's all water. Doctor can drain some fluid out of my tummy but it can retain again. We decided to wait one more day. Monday morning, doctor did paracentesis(procedure to remove fluid that has accumulated in the abdominal cavity). She took 3 liters out. Thank God, I can breath and talk. My doctor was concerned that I was a bit anemic. She talked to my oncologist and decided to do blood transfusion so my body will be ready for chemo therapy.

I came home on Wednesday Feb 13. I still have extra 20 pounds of water weight around my belly and legs. I seriously look 6 month pregnant. It's actually pretty funny. (It wasn't funny until now.) My chemo will start next week. no more delay.

Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS)
This is the most serious complication of IVF. Any patient undergoing ovulation induction is at risk of developing OHSS, although some more than others. Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome may be classified as mild, moderate or severe by symptoms and signs. the worst cases seem tends to be associated with pregnancy. Severe OHSS is a life threatening complication following ovarian stimulation.The symptoms usually begin 4-5 days after the egg collection. The majority of women have a mild or moderate form of the syndrome and invariably resolve within a few days unless pregnancy occurs, that may delay recovery. Patient may complain of pain, a bloated feeling and mild abdominal swelling. In a small proportion of women, the degree of discomfort can be quite pronounced. In some cases cysts appear in the ovaries (ovarian cysts) and fluid may collect in the abdominal cavity causing discomfort. Very rarely the ovarian hyperstimulation is severe and the ovaries are very swollen. The woman will feel ill, with nausea and vomiting, abdominal pain. Fluid accumulates in the abdominal cavity and chest, causing abdominal swelling and shortness of breath. Reduction in the amount of urine produced. These complications require urgent hospital admission to restore the fluid and electrolyte balance, monitor progress, control pain and in some very serious cases, termination of pregnancy. Complications associated with severe OHHS include blood clotting disorders, kidney damage and twisted ovary (ovarian torsion).

Practice to look different

2008-02-03T00:42:00.000-08:00

I have 2 wigs, many hats and scarves to get ready for the new look after my hair falls off. I've been trying different ways of putting things on. I found nice scarf style online and bought them, but when I try them on, something doens't look right... well, the model is different. I don't see Asian girls wearing scarves or hat with bald head. I don't even look like a catholic nun. I look more like a farmer in Asian countries. I wanna look cool! I know I won't lose my hair right away. There is still time to find a way to look cool. Maybe more makeup and bigger earrings would help :)

My new friend

2008-01-28T21:23:00.000-08:00

I got a call from my oncologist office the other day. "We have another Japanese female patient who is about your age. She is doing chemo therapy right now. Would you like to make a connection with her and possibly help each other?" I said "sure! I'd love to." After she and I had few emails and telephone correspondence, we decided to meet. It's like my version of "Nordie's at Noon" :)

She and I go to the same general surgeon and oncologist. She found her lump in October last year. We work in the same field, public accounting. We will be both busy with tax season. She played golf in college. (She is better than me.) yes, there are so many things in common between us! amazing!

She is doing chemo therapy first and then surgery. We are on the same drugs in the same time schedule. She gave me real helpful advise about chemo. I showed her my incisions and told her about surgery and recovery. Talking with her got rid of most of my fear and concern about chemo. She is very perky and very positive. I thought I had a good attitude towards my situation, but she's got so much more strength and confidence. I thank God for sending her to my life.

Our goal is to play golf together this summer. Until then, we'll fight it together.

Chemo appt is scheduled.

2008-01-27T18:28:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm in the middle of fertility treatment that needs to be worked around my cycle. It takes about 2 weeks to complete, then I can start chemo therapy. If everything goes well, I'm starting chemo therapy on Feb 7, Thursday. I picked Thursday treatment, thinking I can rest on weekends if I need to. I will have 8 sessions of chemo every 2 weeks. It means my last session is in mid May. wow... it's longer than the tax season! I hope I can make it. I mean both tax season and chemo. :-)

Chemo and ferfility

2008-01-14T21:27:00.000-08:00

Chemotherapy could cause permanent infertility. About 80% of women in 30's would have an ability back to become pregnant after chemo, but certain chemotherapy medications can cause ovarian damage. I guess it is hard to say even with statistics since everyone has a different body character.

I went to see a fertility doctor in Stanford last week. She explained about the idea of how egg freezing works. Although freezing unfertilized eggs is not as successful as fertilized ones, it is still the only option to preserve fertility under my circumstance. I couldn't make a decision when I was in her office, so I told her I would get back to her later. I sat down in my car and kept thinking what I should do. I made phone calls to my friends for advise. At first, I was leaning towards not to do it, because I want things to happen naturally and normally. I would like to have kids one day, but I don't know what I would be doing 5 years later and I will need a partner to start family. Things are too uncertain. However, other part of me thought that freezing eggs will bring peace of mind and sense of relief for the next several years, besides, there is no risk to cancer treatment. After I consider all the pros and cons, I decided to go for it. It is totally personal choice. I feel fortunate that I'm in the situation where I can make a choice to get one of the best fertility treatments. This treatment takes about 2 weeks. My chemotherapy will start after this is done.

Chemo Cap

2008-01-14T18:45:00.000-08:00

My co-workers and I have been into knitting for last several years. I love knitting! It's fun and therapeutic, although I haven't made anything recently.

There are cute knitting chemo caps. I like those 3. I'll make one and my co-worker will make me two :) I think it's a bit bigger than regular beanies.

More patterns are available on this website.

http://www.headhuggers.org/patterns/patterns.htm

Haircut

2008-01-12T13:02:00.000-08:00

I got a haircut. It's short! I don't remember when I had my hair this short. It must be when I was in grammar school. My hair will be short (or none) for a while. I like the new look :)

Wig shopping

2008-01-09T11:59:00.000-08:00

I went wig shopping yesterday. My oncologist told me there is a place just for breast cancer patients, called "The Next Step". (http://www.nextstepboutique.com/) They have many nice wigs, scarves and hats. People are so nice and helpful in the store. I was amazed. They know why I'm there and what exactly I need, so I don't have to explain at all. I found 2 wigs I liked. I asked my girlfriend to come with me. She was curious to try them on, but realized it's not for fun so she got hesitated. My hair has been medium-long for over 10 years. When I put my wig, I looked like my mom in 70s :)
http://www.community-newspapers.com/archives/lgwt/20070822/cover1.shtml

It is great to know that there are many people who had gone through breast cancer and they are supportive to one another.

Mom back to Japan

2008-01-08T12:32:00.001-08:00

My mom went back to Japan yesterday. She was here for almost a month. It was about time for her to figure out how the door locks work, how to use laundry machine, and how to say "no thank you" to solicitors on the phone. From the moment she heard the bad news from me, it must have been stressful for her until she saw me recovering well. She thought I would be in bed suffering for a while, but I wasn't. Instead of taking physical care of me, she entertained visitors with food and coffee.

I went to college from my parent's house when I was in Japan. I talked to my mom about school and friends every day, so she knows all my friends. After I left home and came here, she hasn' t had a chance to meet my friends. This past 4 weeks, she met many of my friends here and enjoyed spending time with them. She totally caught up with my history of friends. She even asked some of them to keep their eyes on me :) It is such a blessing that she was able to come and help me go through this. I can't thank her enough.

Next step

2008-01-07T18:24:00.000-08:00

I had an appt with my oncologist last Friday. He is a very good doctor as well as my surgeons. I had a good feeling with him and his staff. He explained contents of pathology report from my surgery. His treatment plan is chemotherapy for 16 weeks and hormone therapy for 5 years. To make sure that there is no cancer in bones and liver, chest x-ray and blood test were taken.

I went to see him again today (Monday). Test results came back and they are good, so my body is almost ready for chemotherapy. He explained about side effects of chemo therapy. It is to kill all growing(dividing) cells in my body. I knew I will have to do chemo, so there was no surprise. The next step is starting. I can hide the fact that I lost my breast, but not hair loss and skin change. Although I know this is temporary, losing femininity would be a sensitive topic. My incisions from surgery are healing quickly and I didn't feel sick during the recovery. My real challenge is this step, beating cancer and living with cancer. My oncologist referred me to an obgyn doctor in Stanford, because one of the side effects from chemo is possible permanent infertility. I don't have any plans to have children right now, but I would like to have some in the future. I'll see what kind of options are available for me. I'm lucky there are effective medications to cure the disease and available options for my future.

First day back

2008-01-03T22:54:00.000-08:00

Today was my first day back to work. I didn't feel like I was gone almost for 4 weeks. It's nice to be back to the normal schedule. Actually, I felt good every time I said "Happy New Year" to clients. It makes me appreciate that I have today, tomorrow, this week, this month and this year to enjoy what I do. It makes me believe I'm entitled to receive what life offers.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T09:53:00.000-08:00

Wishing you and your family good health, much happiness and success in 2008!

Drainage taken out

2007-12-29T14:40:00.001-08:00

Last appt with my plastic surgeon this year. He injected 60cc of saline and took the drainage out. I thought it would be painful to take it out, but it wasn't. I'll see him after I'm completely done with follow-up treatments.

I also went to see my general surgeon. First appt after surgery. My incisions are healing well. He referred me to the oncologist. This will be the next challenge. According to my own research, chemotherapy would be the standard treatment in my case. My work will be busy for next 3 and half months. Many chemo patients work throughout the treatments to keep things as normal as possible. I know that's what I'm going to do. I won't know for sure what my oncologist recommends until I see him next Friday, but I'm ready.

Both my general surgeon and plastic surgeon had good smile on their faces when they saw me. They were more serious before surgery, of course. They didn't make any jokes. They were more humanlike than just doctors today because we knew that our first step to beat this disease was successful.

After Christmas Sale

2007-12-27T20:15:00.000-08:00

There is a small shopping mall in front of my place. My mom and I walked over there yesterday. I wanted to go to the hallmark store. We didn't expect after Christmas sale as much, but here is what we found. I got one for me. My mom thought about it over night and got one for her today.

It makes us smile especially the penguin. I can't stop playing :)

Nordie's at Noon

2007-12-25T21:40:00.000-08:00

One of my girlfriends gave me this book, "Nordie's at Noon", the personal stories of 4 young women diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 30 or younger. Once a month, they met at Nordstrom's Cafe for lunch to share their journeys of life after a cancer diagnosis. It is written chronicle of 4 women's fight. They all underwent mastectomy and chemotherapy. These are young women with a child, with husbands, with a wedding date, and with hopes and dreams for the future. Cancer casts a shadow over all these plans, but they are so courageous and inspirational.

I read up to the chapter of their follow-up treatment(chemotherapy after surgery) so far. I can totally relate to them and see myself in these women. I'm one of them and I feel like I know them. Unfortunately and sadly, two of them had a recurrence within two years. Patti passed away after four-year battle and Jana passed away after eight-year battle with breast cancer. I have to admit it gives me more fear of this battle I just started. At the same time, this book makes me realize that my cancer diagnosis brought life, love, happiness and friendship into my world and I have to treasure them every day. This is a great book about living life to its fullest.

My friends have told me I have a good attitude towards my situation. I had to find my inner strength and I have to continue to build more. This book will always remind me that I'm not alone and help me go on my long journey with hopes.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T09:38:00.000-08:00

Wishing You and Yours the Happiest of Holidays!

May your holidays be filled with happiness and health, good cheer, and the precious warmth of family together.

Shopping is always fun.

2007-12-23T19:44:00.000-08:00

My mom and I went to farmers market this morning. (again :-) It was a beautiful sunny day. My mom hasn't had a chance to go different places yet so we decided to go shopping to feel some Christmas spirits in Los Gatos. We didn't wanna go to the mall where people are stressed with last minute shopping. In downtown Los Gatos, there are individually owned stores and restaurants nicely commingled with several well known retailers. We walked around and did window shopping for about 2 hours. When we go shopping, we are more like friends or sisters rather than mother and daughter :) My mom lives with my younger sister and they share purses, jewelries, and clothes. I got those three tops for her for Christmas. I'm sure my sister will wear them, too.